Adequacy / inadequacy are not physical boundaries but , states of mind ; it depends on what you
believe . That’s why what is adequate for one may not be so for someone else ,
similarly what was adequate today , may not be so tomorrow or vice versa
What is a good fashion ?… there
is no one , all encompassing answer , fitting all . Good fashion for a person is
what he / she can carry off comfortably & confidently . That’s why if
someone is awkward wearing the most trendiest of clothing , it’s bad fashion
for him ; on the other hand if Gandhiji was comfortable moving around in one
cloth around his waste , that was most appropriate fashion statement for him .
What is good / appropriate
donation in quantum or form , for a person ? Here too there is no ‘ one size
fitting all ‘ , nor is there any absolute threshold . To me that ( amount of )
donation / charity is your threshold , which after you give away , you should
be able to ( mentally ) give up . A good donation for you needs to fulfill
following criteria :
§ It should not create a feeling of ‘ loss ‘
§ It should not create a sense of ‘ ownership ‘ … it is that
amount which should not make you 'follow through ' to see what use the receiver is putting it to … it no longer belonged to you
§ It should not create a sense of inflated ego of having done a
huge favour ( & in turn to expect the receiver to be ‘ indebted ‘ to you )
§ It should not create / retain any ‘ attachment ‘ . Your satisfaction
/ happiness should come from the fact that you did what you wanted to for a
good cause , your attachment ended there …. What the receiver does with it is
neither under your control nor should be your concern . You should neither have
a judgment on how ‘ appropriately ‘ the receiver is using it nor should it make
you unhappy , even if you think he/ she is ‘ misusing ‘ your generosity or even
is ‘ disrespecting ‘ your gift .
§ Overall once done , you should be able to forget the details of
the ‘ good deed ‘ you did . It should not prompt you to flaunt your ‘ generosity ‘ at any possible forum /
opportunity . You should be able to sleep peacefully without a thought about
what is / will happen to the object of ‘ your charity ‘ .
§ For any donation / charity where above criteria are not likely
to be fulfilled , you are better off without donating .
Similar is the case for
investment . Your capacity to invest is not defined by your affordability or
the accumulated wealth , but by your ability to ‘ carry off ‘ the investment in
amount & form . That amount is appropriate for you , which after investing
( God forbid not , but should it happen ) if you happen to lose , you should
have the capacity to gather yourself up & stand on your feet … you should
be able to take that knock without collapsing .
Finally if you have the nature
to help people ( family , friends , colleagues ) by putting in your efforts ;
you need to know , what is your ‘
natural capacity ‘ to help --- to what extent you can go in helping . Here are
the criteria :
§ Exert only up to the level you can enjoy doing that work , that
it does not become physical or mental burden on you
§ That you can do out of free will & not as a ‘ transaction ‘
or as a ‘ deal ‘ ,not even as an investment … something you’ll not be prompted
to measure ROI on
§ That it does not create an expectation of ‘ reciprocity ‘ in
your mind ( I did so much for him / her , I should get at least this much back
)
§ Your work is an expression of what you desired to do … it’s
valuable & fulfillment in itself … not in comparison to someone . The
quantum & quality of your work therefore is not influenced by what someone
else is doing / not doing in comparison . If / at any point the comparisons are creating
discomfort to lose your mental equilibrium , especially creating a feeling of ‘ unequal ’ work sharing --- at the point work starts
becoming a burden instead of joy – you should not extend the help you feel is a
load on you .
§ That if that person reciprocates , you feel good for the good
nature of that person & not because he / she reciprocated in
acknowledgement of your ‘ good work ‘
§ It should not create / retain any ‘ attachment ‘ . Your satisfaction
/ happiness should come from the fact that you did what you wanted to for a
good cause , your attachment ended there …. How the receiver sees it ,is
neither under your control nor should be your concern . You should neither have
a judgment on how appropriately the receiver ‘ responded ‘ or whether he / she remembered
what you did . In fact , like a good donation , good social work should be
invisible . His / her response should not make any difference to your decision
to help ,in retrospect.
§ Overall once done , you should be able to forget the details of
the ‘ good deed ‘ you did . It should not prompt you to flaunt your ‘ help ‘ at any possible forum /opportunity
. It should not create an overt expectation or a secret yearning for public
or private acknowledgment
