Vaalya to Rishi Valmiki -- Coaching Journey of Life

To me , Naradmuni is World’s first & most Pioneering Coach who made a profound impact on world history with one of his most talked about human transformations – which turned Vaalya , the roadside dacoit to Valmiki who went on to become one of the most revered Sages , who wrote Ramayan .  :

o    For the lesser initiated on the matter , here goes the story :

§  Vaalya used to loot / kill unsuspecting passers by in Jungle as his way of earning & feeding self & family . One day Naradmuni happened to pass by , when Vaalya caught him & asked for money . Naradmuni said ‘ I have nothing on me that can serve your purpose – you’ll be wasting your time on me ‘ . He asked Vaalya as to why is he doing all these supposedly wrong things – looting / robbing  , killing . Vaalya had a quick reply – “ I do it for my family “ , he said . This is when in a typical Coaching approach , Naradmuni asked him if he thinks , whether this is what his family too expects from him . Without hesitation , Vaalya replied in affirmative . Naradmuni challenged Vaalya to check out with the family if they too think so . When Vaalya asked his family , to his surprise he found out that none of his family members was either supportive of his ‘ profession ‘ or wanted to be a partner in his ‘ sin ‘ .

§  This brought in the realization . He was not only in his self created illusion ( about what he felt his family wants ) but he realized the irrelevance of what he was doing . The impact of that awareness was such that it brought about almost 180 degree transformation from a dacoit to a Sage …. The rest is history , as he went on to write Ramayan .

o    I find very high relevance of this story today . If I liken us with Vaalya , I’m sure most of us would feel outraged … I most certainly don’t mean to refer to anyone as Vaalya in literal sense ( as a roadside robber ) However the zeal with which I see many of us work single mindedly to amass material wealth , the speed with which I see greed replacing need as the driver in life and the amazing route we are taking where Money , at the exclusion of everything else , is becoming the Purpose of Life ( PoL ) scares me to think which way are we heading . And on top of it , when I see most of us ( sincerely ) believe that the single minded pursuit of material wealth at the cost of health , family time & purity of soul is guided by our concern for the family --- this is what we are doing “ for the family “  …… no other analogy hits me better than that of Vaalya’s self created illusion of what he thought his family wanted .

o    In a way hence , I see that many of us in our lust for money have lost touch with both reality & life . Like Vaalya we have become “ awareness blind “ … we are in dire need for a Naradmuni coach in our life to bring in a larger awareness about priorities in life …. If that helps here are some self soul searching questions :

o    What do I want from life  , What will bring real joy to me and my family

o    What do my spouse , my children really need from me

o    What is the best gift I can give to my family ,  What is that can really make difference to their life

o    What is the best inheritance I can plan for my children … if it’s the material wealth , what makes me believe that my children are not as capable as I was in generating this much wealth & more on their own

o    When I retire from active life , what is that one thing I’d yearn for . Looking back from a retired stage , what is that one thing I’d not like to regret

o    While it’s all about awareness , finally it’s your life – your choice . You have to take a call to start your life journey from Vaalya to Valmiki …. The sooner it occurs to you is better for you . You can certainly do it on your own , however should you need me to be your Naradmuni , I’d be more than happy … after all it’s not just my Joy , but also my Job ! 

RESPONSIBLE CELEBRATIONS--HOLI HAI !

It's been in vogue from past 4-5 years , to receive ' Advisory ' messages / mails on how we should celebrate our traditional festivals , Dos / Don’ts , a little ahead of major festivals like Holi , Diwali , Ganesh Chaturthi etc  . Now in a repeat cycle for this year , it's turn of Holi .

Most of the ' suggestions ' in such mails seem logical on the surface and yet when one gets a little deeper than skin the  ' logic ' seems to melt . This got me thinking on the application as also the relevance of such good looking  ' social messages ' ; for some time now . Felt necessary to share my personal reflections with you in this Original mail . My advance apologies for a longer mail : 

Let's look at the Content first :  

Main social message in this years ' Campaign ' is : "  Scarcity of water , especially severe drought in Maharashtra & hence an appeal to not celebrate Holi or celebrate ' dry '   " 

This seems very logical , sensible & highly relevant in the water scarcity context of today . As responsible citizens we need to be sensitive to what is happening around us -- no issues .  In the least what Asaram Bapu was shown doing seems preposterous in Maharashtra context . It was in current circumstances rather inappropriate , can be seen as insensitive & not befitting his public standing . 

Now the Context : 

If the advise on ' how to / how not to ' play Holi this year is driven by concern for water scarcity .... if the central issue is how to conserve / not waste water .... playing responsible Holi is certainly a part of the measure  , but how is Holi the ONLY  & Holistic solution  for water crisis ? How much does ‘ One day ‘  of Holi celebration  “ Waste “ water  ? How much therefore is the ‘ savings potential ‘ by solely concentrating on Holi celebrations at the complete exclusion of any other measure to address drought situation ? … This singular focus is baffling !

Did we hear these protagonist talking about a comprehensive plan to conserve water , of which one measure is ' Responsible Holi ' ... NO .  Did we hear their ideas on avoiding ' wastage ' of water through swimming pools , using bucket for bath v/s shower , RWH efforts ? Did we hear them appealing common consumers to conserve on liquor ( which has 55 % water ) or beer drinking or soft drinks consumption ... which consume water in large quantum & which may not be the priority consumption when some of us are struggling to get daily bucketful of water ? 

How much then is saving / not using water in Holi which is only 1 day in a year , serving the cause of water ( where is the A/B/C of water consumption ) 

Alternatively why is then Holi being focused on for this ' Cause '  . On the other hand if it's not for the ' Water Cause ' , then what is the real reason behind running this ' advisory ' campaign , targeting Holi . This seems to me either ' aimless ' / superficial or motivated .

If we put 2 + 2 together , it appears that the real target is Indian culture . I have been seeing this systematic campaign against traditional celebration of community festivals in a very predictable , repetitive pattern . 

In today's world , Conquests are won not by physical killing but via psychological warfare ... by diluting identity & making one feel guilty of self . British started this during Raj days , where our History was re written , we were told how backward , barbarous we are & made feel ' less than equal ' , inadequate .

I believe there are elements today who are on this task of systematic cultural annihilation  --- targeting a specific community -- which is too gullible & naive & whose minds start crumbling in self doubt at a slightest application of pressure .

That is why when this superficial messages start circulating , many of us fall prey by quickly endorsing  " Me too " 

It's important to be conscious to social context , prevailing circumstances & hence while we should play Holi responsibly , we need not go to another extreme by working on a ' dry ' adaptation of Holi .... there is no point in diluting a celebration to an extent where it loses its identity / purpose or the fun of festivities . What is mutton biryani without mutton in it ? We might as well not eat biryani rather than fooling ourselves .

In sum my response to such ' campaigns ' will be : Be a socially conscious , responsible citizen while celebrating festivals , however also be conscious to ' see through '  any below surface plan & not be gullible to be a pawn in their hands . I'd not like to lose my identity & self respect , while I understand my social responsibility . I will decipher and decide what I need to do -- not just float on the ' advise ' 

OneWorld: DEPENDENCE : CONSTRUCTIVE OR DESTRUCTIVE

OneWorld: DEPENDENCE : CONSTRUCTIVE OR DESTRUCTIVE: # Life is about dependence . There are many examples like friends who  prefer company of friends for most transactions , they do not pref...

DEPENDENCE : CONSTRUCTIVE OR DESTRUCTIVE

# Life is about dependence . There are many examples like friends who  prefer company of friends for most transactions , they do not prefer doing things lone  .Organisation depends on its employees to take its agenda forward , why even a mighty Nation depends on its residents , just to be a NATION . If dependence is barred no collaborative alliances can exist & flourish . In fact in today’s world there is no such concept / person / nation who is 100 % self sufficient , who is not dependent on any one else for something or the other . There is a feel of reassurance in these examples .

# On the other hand , some other examples are : A child’s dependence on parents for many things , before he grows up ; A traditional , non working Indian housewife’s financial dependence on her husband . In these cases the dependent is almost at the mercy of the other person . This dependence does not have a good feel about it .

# Therefore is ‘ dependence ‘ good or bad , is it crippling or reassuring , is it a strength to ‘ depend on ‘ someone or is it a sign of weakness ?  … lets understand it a little more closely .

# Dependence in itself may not be good or bad … depends where is it coming from & importantly where is it taking one  from here on

• In the latter case the dependence is one sided , there is one party who is perceived to be     ( more ) dependent on the other

·         This dependence is more physical / material & is ‘ external ‘

·         This dependence is also about some basic / survival needs

·         In an ‘ unequal ‘ relationship , self esteem of ‘ receiving ‘ party may be at stake

• Dependence in the former case is relatively more mutual than one sided , or at least there is no ‘ hierarchy ‘ in who needs whom more –  neither party can be said to have an upper hand or being subservient to the other .

·         This dependence may go beyond addressing physical / material needs

·         In many cases it’s beyond basic / survival needs . These are likely to invoke feelings of reassurance , emotional support , comfort , confidence , even pride & hence the dependence is likely to be more ‘ internal ‘

# I would categorise the former one as ‘ Constructive ‘ dependence , which is facilitative & the latter one as ‘ Destructive ‘ dependence , which can be crippling & debilitating .

India’s dependence on US in the 60s for Food grains was Destructive dependence whereas the current one is a Constructive dependence

# Constructive dependence is a case where presence of the other entity is reassuring , an advantage ; but its absence is not crippling or a disadvantage . It is a case where you don’t physically / materially need it for you to stand on your own , but it is a warm mental feeling that , should I be in need , there is someone there , who I can fall back on .

# Destructive dependence is a case where without support one is inadequate — things will come to a halt . Destructive dependence is like crutches without which a person may not be able to walk , whereas Constructive dependence is like shoulder of a friend , you can put your hand around while walking on your own & feel good .

In Sum , dependence in itself is not a weakness , it can be your strength . However having an assurance ( or an avenue ) of dependence when you don’t need it , is the best form of dependence . Dependence works best when it’s mutual & building on each other than being helpless to the extent of being at  ’ someone’s mercy ‘    in the other person’s absence . Life’s journey should be to evolve from a position of Destructive dependence ( if at all ) to the Constructive dependence .

However such a state can only be negotiated from a position of strength . Each of the partner in Constructive dependence needs to be independently strong & independent to be able to become each other’s support . A position of weakness can only lead to a Destructive dependence .

But then remember , feeling of ‘ dependence ‘ is more psychological than physical .